The Two Myths that Haunt Us

The Two Myths that Haunt Us   

7/8/12

Two myths seem to haunt us as we go about our daily lives.  We can argue that these myths gnaw more deeply at women than men, but that may not be the case.

What are they?  The myth of the balance life and the myth that “we can have it all” dog our life and career paths.

For years I have taught a graduate course on Women and Leadership, and these two issues come up year after year.    

The two are interrelated and perhaps a belief in one leads to a belief in the other.

Contemporary women (and men too) believe that they can have a work-life balance.   The work-life balance suggests finding a perfect formula for dividing one’s attention between work and family and other interests.   The reality is that both work and family want 100% of one’s attention or at least 2/3 of it, and to spend time on work takes away from the family and vice versa.  Women in particular are guilt stricken when work intrudes on time they want to spend with their children.  Society may be more forgiving of men who spend time at work away from the family, but contemporary men feel guilt too. 

After years of reflection and life experience, my own conclusion is that one can have serial work-life balance but not simultaneous.   What do I mean?  Maybe over the next two months, I can focus more on family, but in the busy season in my work in the fall I know that I will have to focus more on work than on family activities.

This myth is closely related to the belief that “one can have it all.”   What is all, anyway?  First of all, “all” for you may differ from “all” for me.   All at 25 differs from all at 50.   You get the picture.   Does it mean that we can have everything that we want?   Does it mean that we can achieve success in careers and success in families?    This topic can be explored at great length, but the bottom line is that “having it all,” is abstract concept which is probably impossible to achieve.  Historically, for a woman, it probably meant that one can have a career and a family.   For a man, it probably meant that he could be a success at work and a super dad. 

On some level,"having it all" is possible for both men and women but requires a lot of work and attention.  Having it all is elusive and often the conception of “all” changes as we experience life.  

I encourage women to undertake both career and family.  But, that is not the same as “having it all,” and it will exact a heavy price.  One has to be disciplined, realize that leisure time is a luxury and one will have to juggle on a daily basis.  Not everyone can handle the pressures intrinsic to the process.

I think it is time we address these two myths.  I shall tackle these topics more.  This is just my opener on this theme.